i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
