I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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