I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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