I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
