I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize