So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
