So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
