miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
