I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
