Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
