my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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