what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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