I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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