did you get engaged???
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
