I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
