So gin and wine won't be happening again
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
