I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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