What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
