how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
