Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
