3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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