508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
