I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
