My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
