so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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