3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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