allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
