This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
