By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
