The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
