Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
