I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
