it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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