Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
