dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
that's an acceptable place to lick
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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