Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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