What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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