is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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