theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
