the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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