We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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