R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
