well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
