have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
