i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
