why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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