am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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