Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
