lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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