wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize