Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
