If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
