I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
