We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
