honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
