Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
