forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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