im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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