I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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