i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
