I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
