I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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