hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
