More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just pee around me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
