my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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