All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
