I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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