i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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